Some questions for the Wizards leadership

Hey Tommy Shepard and Ted Leonsis, have you been watching the Washington Wizards this season? I mean, have you really watched? Has the team, who to their credit seem to be working hard, though not always smart, lived up to expectations?

Has the cognitive dissonance of watching these last games of the season hurt your brain as much as mine as you both want to see the team do well and simultaneously lose? What do you call a person who cheers for Corey Kispert’s nine made three pointers and his five missed three pointers? Is this the stuff of fandom or boredom or some form of mental distress that hasn’t made it to the DSM-5 yet? I’m asking for a friend, but can you tell me?

When you read game recaps on the Wizards’s website that don’t seem to mention any details about why the team has lost seven of their last 10, do you ever wonder what happened? Have you been as confused as me when every game on NBC Sports Washington is a “Marquee Matchup?” Have you noticed that the "Honda Drive of the Game” is occasionally just an uncontested layup? Do you have an internet connection that goes to Twitter or Reddit or The Athletic or can access podcasts? There’s a lot of talk out there about this team, so where do you get your news? How did you feel when Bill Simmons mentioned that, “the [Wizards] are desperate to remain mediocre”? Or Zach Lowe called the team the “turkey sandwich of basketball teams?” Or The Ringer Group Chat folks said the Wizards have one of the worst future outlooks? Or maybe the fact that, overall, no one really says anything one way or another about the team? Does it feel weird to live in the nation’s capital, home of multiple large media outlets, and be a complete non-entity in the basketball discourse?

If given the choice between investing your time in team planning or investing in more bobbleheads, which would you choose? And why is it bobbleheads? Also, how many bobbleheads does a person need? Did someone timidly mention that the Wizards have the 30th (that’s last place) percentage of capacity attendance on average this season? And was your response to that fact, “we need more giveaways, the problem with attendance is not enough giveaways!”? Did you notice Kings fans chanting “light the beam” at Capital One Arena? Did you know the population of Sacramento is 26% smaller than DC proper? Does this make you think that maybe there are people who aren’t even from Sacramento chanting in support of a team that has been as bad or worse than the Wizards over the past two decades? Will more bobbleheads stop the chanting? Is not having a plan a plan?

Have you noticed how no one calls the Bradley Beal, Kyle Kuzma, and Kristaps Porziņģis “the big three” except the Wizards broadcast crew? Did you hear that the guys themselves don’t even call themselves that? Did you know the Monte Morris, Beal, Deni Avdija, Kuzma, and Porziņģis line-up is in the 85th percentile for points per possession in the NBA per Cleaning the Glass?¹ Did you also know that the Morris, Kispert, Kuzma, Porziņģis, and Daniel Gafford line-up is in the 98th percentile? While we’re dropping facts, did you catch that the Wizards have had, at various times this season, both a losing record and one of the best offenses in the NBA? Does this seem odd? Is there something off about this? Has anyone talked to Wes Unseld Jr. about it? Has anyone brought up with WUJ that the NBA average shooting percentage at the rim is 66%, except for teams that the Wizards play, who hit 68.5% of their shots within four feet of the rim? What did you mean when you described WUJ as an “in-game tactician”?

At a time when scoring in the NBA is reaching new highs and casual fans complain that the league is too focused on three-point shooting, is it a deliberate decision to be a bottom 10 team in three-point attempts, with more than a third of shots consisting of midrange jumpers? Did you know the team is only ranked 15th on midrange shots despite living in the midrange? Have you heard of the “three-point revolution”? Should people, in general, get better the more they do something? Or is it the case that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is a definition of insanity? Which one applies to the team you own and manage?

What is going on with the epidemic of soreness and non-Covid illnesses that has struck most of the veteran players? Is this a secret tank? Is it a secret if everyone knows what’s going on? Am I silly to keep watching games this season? Is it worth it to see Johnny Davis, Jay Huff, Xavier Cooks, and the other young guys really make the most of suddenly getting minutes? How excited were you to see Deni go coast-to-coast multiple times over the past few games? Does this give you as much hope for next year as it gives me? Maybe I’ll ignore all of the boring salary stuff if I get a few more free hats and in-game giveaways because who can keep track of all those complicated numbers? Remember the excitement around the new cherry blossom jerseys? We’ll always have that, right? Have you watched these past few games? Are you watching?

Is G-Wiz the best mascot in all of sports? No need to respond to that one. The answer is yes. ²

1. More specifically, this is the ranking for offensive points/possession relative to defensive points/possession, meaning these line-ups get more points than they give up.

2. For those who haven’t read it, this post is inspired by this Pete Wells review. In general, I want to keep this space positive because there are any number of reasons and questions to complain about the Wizards. Still, it’s worth capturing some, but not all, of my feelings about a pretty sorry end to a potentially promising season.